Mindful Musings | Lessons from Trauma & My Experience

Hey there, hope you're doing well wherever you are. I'm feeling a bit reflective lately; that probably explains why I'm writing this right now.

Warning: I'm sharing a bit of my experience with verbal and emotional abuse in this post. If this is something that can trigger you in any way, please feel free to leave or read other blog posts.

Today, I suddenly felt the intense emotions I had when my husband and I had to endure verbal and emotional abuse from my father-in-law (FIL) during the pandemic; this was a chaotic time that lasted for years. I believe this was the effect of his issue with my MIL (who was overseas during that time), because, to be fair, he wasn’t like that before. It's a long, complicated story, but anyhow, it was upsetting how we were left to deal with their marital problems and their responsibilities at the expense of our time and well-being. It was also during the pandemic, so we couldn't just leave because borders were closed. It was draining at a soul level incomprehensible to them. Their decisions created a domino effect of consequences that directly spilled over to us. The pain was immense and life-changing in many ways. My FIL, in particular, looked normal in front of others, but was verbally and emotionally abusive. He broke things, yelled at us constantly, threatened us many times, said the most hurtful words, and basically broke our hearts (the guy's not exactly a family man). I think he's got something mentally, but still, there is no excuse for abusive behavior in any form. His actions had lasting effects.

The thing with extremely dysfunctional setups (at least with my in-laws) is that it is challenging to introduce healthy, normal behaviors because it can be an entirely different concept to those in it. The dynamics and conversations are very different. In my case, it was almost as if my FIL was just okay with being messed up, to the point that he doesn't care if his actions hurt his own family, the very unit he is supposed to lead. He seemed to be following some recurring pattern that, fortunately, my husband did not want to be part of.

Anyway. The best thing to do in such situations is to manage one's response and limit interactions to avoid being fully drained, as this can be an energy-draining experience. Life's too short to be around those who stress you out. Okay, so...

It takes time to heal, and it’s not something you can force in a month or two (you live with the trauma), but the good news is that time heals everything. I am so grateful those days are over. It's easier to breathe now.

Today, I want to share a few musings from my personal experience. I hope it helps someone or at least provides comfort, in any way, to those who are going through something. 

Life & Challenges

We all encounter challenges that vary in degrees of intensity. We have minor inconveniences, personal struggles, and sometimes, big problems. There is no such thing as a perfect life. 

Challenges are a part of everyone’s journey. They are given to us to strengthen our character. It’s just that some challenges are lighter or heavier than others. When it’s too much to bear, remember that nothing is permanent in this world, including our problems; everything will be fine.

So yeah, here are some of my favorite lessons from that experience that I keep with me:

• Confront your emotions no matter how unpleasant they may be. If you want to cry, then cry. It’s better to express your feelings than to leave them inside your heart. Keeping them in for a long time can cause you to project your anger to others, or compromise your physical health. I remember crying a lot and having boxes of tissues on my side. It wasn't a pleasant sight, but I felt better after that. It's also a good way to unblock your heart chakra. Stress is a silent killer. So, as hard as it can be, confront your emotions. If you find it hard to cry, you can write things down on a piece of paper and (safely) burn it in a pit.
  

• Make an effort not to let pain get a hold of your heart. My FIL was toxic and has caused us a great deal of pain. I did not like how his actions affected my husband, and in turn, us. It was not easy to provide emotional support for my spouse at that time, because I was also struggling myself. It just felt like hell, like it was easier to get stabbed than go through all that, but well, there was nothing I could do about it- other than letting my emotions out so they don't pile up. One thing I learned from this is that no matter how bad it gets, you cannot let pain take control of your heart. Use it as fuel, transmute it to something else, but never let it eat you up. Because that's how negative cycles start or perpetuate.

  
  

  While what happened to us broke my heart into what felt like a million pieces, I remain grateful for the rest that is working in my life.
  

• Seek guidance, ask for discernment, and pray for protection. What helped me endure everything during that time was praying. It has worked for me ever since, so naturally, I resorted to it when I didn't know what to do, especially since I never felt so anxious and depressed before that.

  
  

  Never understimate what God can do in your life. If you're unsure what step to take next, make time for prayer if you need some comfort and enlightenment. Of course, it is also good to ask for discernment and spiritual protection. Not everyone who appears to help you wants to help you. Some do it for vanity or to keep you in place only for their interests.

• It’s not the end of the world. Count your blessings and find reasons to smile. During moments of difficulty, it's easy to get caught up in our problems. But remember, there is always something to be thankful for. Do you have food on the table? Do you have a roof over your head? If yes, express gratitude. No matter how tough life gets, remember to find reasons to smile. Pick yourself up bit by bit. Take baby steps. Before you know it, you're up on your feet and ready to get back on track. As for me, I enjoyed collecting stickers and making videos at that time. It helped a lot.

  
  

• Have a good support system. When you're at your lowest, it's important to have a reliable support system that can give you care, guidance, and moral support. I’m so lucky I had people I could confide in during that time (thankful for close family and friends). It makes a difference to have good people around you. Environment matters. Seek support from trusted loved ones.

  
  

  Avoid people who invalidate your emotions or attract drama because they will always attract drama, and the effects can spill over to you (this is what happened to us).
  

• Pick yourself up. It's wonderful to receive support, but at the end of the day, you're the only one who can pick yourself up. The person you can rely on the most is yourself, so get up and stand taller. You're the only person who truly knows your pain and understands your full capacity- do yourself a favor and use it to your advantage.

  
  

  Bouncing back from rock bottom gave me renewed strength and a more confident outlook on life.
  

• Don't take revenge. What goes around always comes around. It's a natural law, and it's only a matter of time. I believe in the law of karma. I've seen it many times. There is no point in taking revenge because it won't add value to your life. There is no point in taking revenge because it won't really add value to your life. Right?

  
  

  Use your energy to focus on activities or hobbies that can contribute to your personal growth.
  

• There is always something to learn. Again, challenges are a part of everyone's journey. It is up to us what we make of them. The world may be cruel sometimes and put us in certain circumstances, but I believe it is never for nothing. They always come with lessons; lessons to help us expand our consciousness and knowledge about ourselves. I have learned so much from my journey and realized it has helped me upgrade to a better version of myself. I feel more capable in general (especially spiritually), which I am very grateful for.

  
  

• If you went through a traumatic experience, please do not hesitate to seek professional help if needed. Traumatic events can affect your overall well-being, relationships, and productivity; seek help if needed. It is your responsibility to take after yourself. Please do not hesitate.

Lastly, in every crisis, there is an opportunity. You’ll figure this one out yourself 💚

Well, I guess that’s all for today. Thank you for reading! I appreciate you being here. 

Before I end this post, let me just claim it for you: your challenges will turn into opportunities. 

Keep going, you’re doing great! Virtual hugs!

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