Your Challenges Are Going to Turn Into Opportunities | Lessons from Trauma

Hello there, this is your friendly reminder that your challenges are going to turn into opportunities 🌸 Today, I suddenly felt the intense emotions I had when my husband and I had to endure verbal and emotional abuse from my father-in-law during the pandemic; this was a chaotic time that lasted for years. My MIL was fine, but she always dodged confronting the issue and prioritized other things. Maybe it was a form of denial? I'm not sure. But it was upsetting how we were left to deal with their crazy marital drama and their responsibilities (at the expense of our time) because that left us drained at a soul level incomprehensible to them, sadly. Their decisions created a domino effect of consequences that spilled over to others. The pain was immense and life-changing in many ways. I have expressed my concerns many times but to no avail. I could only wish they had the slightest idea how their actions have hurt us and others, but there was no point. When people are used to extreme dysfunction, introducing healthy behaviors can be a real challenge because it's an entirely different concept to them. The conversations and relationship dynamics are so different in toxic setups, and this is something I can never get used to. There's so much negativity. I refuse to be part of that because it's damaging. It's not wise to be in messed up environments. Our mental health comes first this time, so the best thing to do is to keep a distance and love them from afar.

I am so grateful that those days are over, but as you know, it takes time to heal. It’s not something you can force in a month or two. You kind of live with the trauma. Patience is required.

For today’s post, I want to share a few musings from my personal experience. I hope it helps someone or at least provides comfort, in any way, to those who are going through something. 

Hmm. So where do I start?

Life & Challenges

We all encounter challenges that vary in degrees of intensity. We have minor inconveniences, personal struggles, and sometimes, big problems. There is no such thing as a perfect life. 

Challenges are a part of everyone’s journey. They are given to us to strengthen our character. It’s just that some challenges are lighter or heavier than others. When it’s too much to bear, remember that nothing is permanent in this world, including our problems; everything will be fine.

So yeah, here are those musings:

• Confront your emotions no matter how unpleasant they may be. If you want to cry, then cry. It’s better to express your feelings than to leave them inside your heart. Keeping them in for a long time can cause you to project your anger to others, or compromise your physical health. I remember crying a lot and having boxes of tissues on my side. It wasn't a pleasant sight, but I felt better after that. Stress is a silent killer. So, as hard as it can be, confront your emotions. If you find it hard to cry, you can write things down on a piece of paper and (safely) burn it in a pit.
  

• Don’t let pain get a hold of your heart. While what happened to us broke my heart into what felt like a million pieces, I could not let a bad experience dim my perspective on life. My FIL was toxic, and he has caused us a great deal of pain. But, if I hated him too much, wouldn't I have become the same person that I disliked? I, or my husband, would have also taken it on someone else, and the pattern would have continued. But of course, it's not like that's going to happen because my parents raised me and my sister lovingly and with respect (something I appreciate more now). They don't believe in revenge. I don't, too.
  

• Seek guidance, ask for discernment, and pray for protection. One of the things that helped me endure everything during that time was praying. It has worked for me ever since, so naturally, I resorted to it when I didn't know what to do, especially since I had never felt so anxious and depressed until I was associated with them. It felt heavy.

  
  

  Make time for prayer if you need some comfort and enlightenment. Of course, it is also good to ask for discernment and spiritual protection. Not everyone who appears to help you wants to help you. Some do it for vanity or to keep you in place only for their interests.

• It’s not the end of the world. Count your blessings and find reasons to smile. During moments of difficulty, it's easy to get caught up in our problems. But remember, there is always something to be thankful for. Do you have food on the table? Do you have a roof over your head? If yes, express gratitude. No matter how tough life gets, remember to find reasons to smile. Pick yourself up bit by bit. Take baby steps. Before you know it, you're up on your feet and ready to get back on track. As for me, I enjoyed collecting stickers and making videos at that time. It helped a lot.

  
  

• Have a good support system. When you're at your lowest, it's important to have a reliable support system that can give you care, guidance, and moral support. I am so lucky I had people I confided in during that time. It makes a difference to have good people around you. Seek support from trusted loved ones. Avoid people who invalidate your emotions or attract drama because they will always attract drama, and the effects can spill over to you (this is what happened to us).
  

• Pick yourself up. It's wonderful to receive support, but at the end of the day, you're the only one who can pick yourself up. The person you can rely on the most is yourself, so get up and stand taller. You're the one who truly knows your pain and understands your full capacity- do yourself a favor and use it to your advantage.
  

• Don't take revenge. What goes around, always comes around. It's a natural law, and it's only a matter of time. Use your energy to focus on activities or hobbies that can contribute to your personal growth. Self-development is a lifelong process.
  

• There is always something to learn. Again, challenges are a part of everyone's journey. It is up to us what we make of them. The world may be cruel sometimes and put us in certain circumstances, but I believe it is never for nothing. They always come with lessons.

  
  

• If you went through a traumatic experience, please do not hesitate to seek professional help if needed. Traumatic events can affect your overall well-being, relationships, and productivity; seek help if needed. It is your responsibility to take after yourself. Please do not hesitate.

Lastly, in every crisis, there is an opportunity. You’ll figure this one out yourself 💚

Well, I guess that’s all for today. Thank you for reading! I appreciate you being here. 

Before I end this post, let me just claim it for you: your challenges will turn into opportunities. 

Keep going, you’re doing great! Virtual hugs!

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